Its the 30th day, today.
These 30 days in retrospect shall be my the most beautiful days of my petty life.
It starts with anger; with blaming others for your sins and fustration you have inflicted upon yourself.
Eventually, I learnt that sadness is the daughter of anger.
Anger sweeps through your consciousness in rebellion to your hopeless attempts at containing an uncontainable sadness.
But, its a form of expression you cannot control unlike sadness.
It ignites your hormones and bring warmth in your blood.
And unleashes his son; rage.
It makes you invincible; it makes you impenetrable to embarrassment or humiliation.
It makes you fire; a fire that can only burn and damage.
My advice?
Drench yourself in rain, the only way to smother fire in water my friend. Go find rain and shallow lakes and wild streams. Be naked and cry out loud like a child.
Don’t weep; cry.
Wail and slap your forehead.
If you feel alone; close your eyes and touch the barks of timeless trees.
Be kind to the poor and mean to the rich.
Now comes guilt;
The endless repentance.
You will revisit your past and desperately think about the things you could have done differently.
You blame yourself and you regret.
I learnt regret is a feeling stronger than love itself.
Regret is an emotion that turly defines our humane nature; not hunger, lust, love, greed or grieve.
The tiger feels all of that too but not regret, otherwise oh how sleepless his nights would have been.
My advice?
Curse yourself.
Condense the hate that you have for yourself into physical punishment.
Run.
As long as your lungs don’t give up.
Keep running;
Keep running until you fall on your knees and start vomiting blood, cough and undigested food.
Sleep by the footpath and look at people walk past you, make sure the smell around you is pungent and there is garbage laying around.
Now gather some life in your numb feet and walk yourself back home.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Its your reincarnation.
Celebrate with shaving your hair off.
The uglier you look, the easier it will be for you to love yourself.
Now, the solution to all problems?
Acceptance; the most beautiful word in human history.
Amidst age and helplessness, it shall catch up with you.
And when it does, only then can you retire.
Acceptance is the only fruit one truly reaps out of suffering.
The only true gift of mortal life.
The soul of all spirituality.
Acceptance is the synonym of life itself;
Acceptance is the mother of peace.
30 days of struggle, a guide to humanity.
This guide needs a context but you already have one.
Its upon you to decide your actions since this is but a poem and not a sermon.
